Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
