Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
