are you so shy because you have an std?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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