apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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