Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
