I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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