her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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