How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
