just come out here and I will go home with you...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
