none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
