wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
