why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
