why didn't you poke me back
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
