4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
