Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
