Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
