Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
