peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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