i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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