so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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