I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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