I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.