watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now