after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight