sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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