Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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