I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
