I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
why is half of my head shaved?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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