guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize