You're completely useless in the revolution.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
