yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
