if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
