Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
