I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
