Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
