just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
