We won't sleep together?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
