So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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