were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
