The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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