You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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