Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
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No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
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You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
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