Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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