I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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