Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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