At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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