I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
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The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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