dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
