bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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