She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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