I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How does one acquire holy water?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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