He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
