my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize