dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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