Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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