my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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