im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i am craving dick and cupcakes
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
