i wish starbucks made bloody marys
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
