sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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