2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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