yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
