woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
