I faked an abortion last night.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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