he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
