I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
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You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
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Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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