remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
