If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
