My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
