I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
