I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
