THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I need water and some morals
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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