Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
