Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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