So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
