We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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