I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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