At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
