The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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