Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
