I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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