We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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